Cyrus and God's faithfulness

As many of you know we tried for several years to get pregnant and lost two babies in the process. Eight days ago I gave birth to our son Cyrus David. The journey toward parenthood has been a hard one for us, filled sometimes with many tears, questions and an aching heart.

 BUT through this process God has brought me to a deeper sense of trusting him and he has showed us his faithfulness in a thousand ways over the past three years. This past February we lost a baby whom we named Grace. After loosing her I was devestated and heartbroken but in the midst of the pain I felt like the lord asked me to do something in faith to show him I trusted him. I felt God ask me to buy a newborn baby boy outfit. Are you serious lord ? I asked. I didn't do it right away because I was so scared. What if those clothes are always empty? What if we can never have kids? What if? What if? What if?  My heart and emotions ragged against me but I knew God had always been faithful to us and this was no different even though it felt hopeless. I bought an outfit and here it is 10 months later....

We got pregnant the next month so unexpectedly :)

Grace

Life is such a compilation of bittersweet moments. We are pregnant! Finally! We meet our baby boy in 12 weeks and we couldn't be more thrilled. But....

Next week our Grace was due. 10 days from now we would have held her and awed over her and Fallin in love with her even more. As excited as we are to meet Cyrus and love him and snuggle him , my momma heart misses that little girl so much. I wonder what she would have looked like, would she have her daddy's eyes or my lips. Would she look like her brother? 

October is miscarriage and infant loss awareness month. Would you say a prayer for those moms and dads who are grieving- it's not something that goes away just changes over time. 

- in remembrance of our Grace due October 16th.  

Tasharae

Simplicity

Simplicity is something that I've always admired.... In others. However it's not something That I have done well at. Over the past month there have been a lot of changes around our home. The main being that i quit my job and  am now staying home taking care of an 18 month old. With a sweet little messy person running around my heart longs for a more simple home and lifestyle. My goal over the next month is to de clutter our home making it more simplistically beautiful and finish some unfinished projects. My rule for getting rid of things is 

"If it isn't useful or doesn't add beauty to our home it's gone" 

Do you have any tips for simplifying your home?

Echoes from a rough week

This has been a rough week. Like a beat you down and rub dirt in all your wounds kind of week. Friends have lost siblings, babies have been sick, longings and desires have gone unfulfilled only to see others receive what you have hoped and prayed for, hours later. Rough week. My flesh wants to wallow and lay in bed all day and eat cupcakes and scream at the ceiling.....

BUT there is this echo deep in my soul that asks me to have hope one more time, one more moment, one more breathe. When I feel like I can't take anymore He asks me to hold on. 
I've been doing a lot of thinking this rough week. I am an extremely black and white person. I don't think I have a grey bone in my body. I  deeply want understand why things happen. What's the purpose for all this rough? Guess what? There isn't a good answer except that we live Ina broken world and He is with me through it all. Sometimes I want Him to just fix it all and take away the pain. If your reading this would you pray a little prayer for me? Would you ask that He be enough. That I wouldn't run after the things of this earth, as good and as beautiful as some things are, this world will always leave me empty and hurting. Would you pray that He be my desire and that He be enough?

Maybe you need to pray a little prayer for you too?

Fertile Longings

Our journey these past two years has had high highs and low lows. For those of you who don’t know Ryan and I have been trying to have a baby for nearly two years and guess what?!! It just not happening. As much as we have prayed and cried and even begged God for children we still don’t have them. Some people have asked if  God is good when bad things happen.  Honestly I have asked that question and others often these past two years. I have seen friends get pregnant and have their babies and then get pregnant again and have another baby in these two years countless times. The ache is deep, there have been days that I don’t want to get out of bed because of this longing. But God revealed something significant to me this morning in the midst of a low morning. He showed me that I have been trusting in motherhood to make me happy. When He should be the one that I trust to bring me happiness.  And he hasn’t always been. What if God gives us these longings to make us draw closer to Him? What if It’s not that He isn’t good because of our trials, but that He is! And it’s because of the trials? I have never had to seek God for comfort more than I have in these past two years, never had to fight for joy more. Never had to have faith in Him, not that he will give us children but that He is who He says he is.

We may never be parents, I sincerely hope that we will be, but if we aren’t will I become a bitter and angry old woman who is always looking for greener grass? I want to scream from the top of my lungs NO! No I will not. God has called us to something greater, and by us I don’t just mean my hubs and I – all of us as followers of Jesus. We are called to remember not what we want from Him but what he has already rescued us from and for. He as rescued me from being a woman who always wants more, from being bitter and angry from things that have happened in my past, present and future. He has rescued me from ungratefulness. He has rescued me for heaven. For loving each day that he gives even in the midst of heartache and longings that aren’t fulfilled. He has rescued me to believe that His plans are best, that He gives me all I need for today moment by moment. He has rescued me to believe that HE REALLY IS ENOUGH. I don’t believe all these things in this moment but I choose to. This is what I really want at the bottom of my soul. I want to be completely satisfied every moment of every day with Jesus. And I can honestly say that I would not feel this way if God had given us a baby when first started trying to have kids. He allows hard things to draw us to Himself. Please remember that. He is good because of the hard stuff. He wants our whole hearts. 

Love came down by Kari Jobe

If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

(Chorus)
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
Lord I'm forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope
Every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace
Rest upon me

Staying desperate for You, God
Staying humble at Your feet
I will lift these hands in praise
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
I am forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

I am Yours
I am Yours
All my days
Jesus, I am Yours
(X2)

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
I am forever Your's
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours
(X2)

Yeah, I am yours, I'm yours, I am yours
Jesus I am yours

Tash