Fertile Longings

Our journey these past two years has had high highs and low lows. For those of you who don’t know Ryan and I have been trying to have a baby for nearly two years and guess what?!! It just not happening. As much as we have prayed and cried and even begged God for children we still don’t have them. Some people have asked if  God is good when bad things happen.  Honestly I have asked that question and others often these past two years. I have seen friends get pregnant and have their babies and then get pregnant again and have another baby in these two years countless times. The ache is deep, there have been days that I don’t want to get out of bed because of this longing. But God revealed something significant to me this morning in the midst of a low morning. He showed me that I have been trusting in motherhood to make me happy. When He should be the one that I trust to bring me happiness.  And he hasn’t always been. What if God gives us these longings to make us draw closer to Him? What if It’s not that He isn’t good because of our trials, but that He is! And it’s because of the trials? I have never had to seek God for comfort more than I have in these past two years, never had to fight for joy more. Never had to have faith in Him, not that he will give us children but that He is who He says he is.

We may never be parents, I sincerely hope that we will be, but if we aren’t will I become a bitter and angry old woman who is always looking for greener grass? I want to scream from the top of my lungs NO! No I will not. God has called us to something greater, and by us I don’t just mean my hubs and I – all of us as followers of Jesus. We are called to remember not what we want from Him but what he has already rescued us from and for. He as rescued me from being a woman who always wants more, from being bitter and angry from things that have happened in my past, present and future. He has rescued me from ungratefulness. He has rescued me for heaven. For loving each day that he gives even in the midst of heartache and longings that aren’t fulfilled. He has rescued me to believe that His plans are best, that He gives me all I need for today moment by moment. He has rescued me to believe that HE REALLY IS ENOUGH. I don’t believe all these things in this moment but I choose to. This is what I really want at the bottom of my soul. I want to be completely satisfied every moment of every day with Jesus. And I can honestly say that I would not feel this way if God had given us a baby when first started trying to have kids. He allows hard things to draw us to Himself. Please remember that. He is good because of the hard stuff. He wants our whole hearts. 

Love came down by Kari Jobe

If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

(Chorus)
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
Lord I'm forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope
Every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace
Rest upon me

Staying desperate for You, God
Staying humble at Your feet
I will lift these hands in praise
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
I am forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

I am Yours
I am Yours
All my days
Jesus, I am Yours
(X2)

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
I am forever Your's
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours
(X2)

Yeah, I am yours, I'm yours, I am yours
Jesus I am yours

Tash

Snakes on a plane? Parents on a plane.

Ryan and I recently made a trip home which included two flights. A few things I learned about parenthood and people. The first being: your child does not need to be entertained every second for the entirety of the flight. Yes there are people within close proximity and yes it is nice when flights are quiet so people can sleep but it really isn't like a rule or something. Kids cry, it's ok parents, it's good for us to hear them cry. It reminds us (when I say "us" I really mean me) to be content and to pray for you. I desperately want to be a mother but man  it's hard work and it's good for people to see that. For people who can't handle the crying..... Maybe they should drive ;) 

Second, parenting is hard work. Sometimes I think that there is a euphoric glow around mothers that I envy, then you flu across the country with a screaming toddler and the mother looks like she's been through a washing machine. Grace to you precious momma!!! You have a tough job and although it is precious and I often envy you I am content. I enjoy it just being  Ryan and I today and that is because motherhood and parenting are real and that is because of you. You are doing well o sweet one. 

Blessed spring. The hope of new life.

Pic #2

Spring is here

Month 4 : photography

I have been looking forward to this month since the beginning of the year! 

I am not the best photographer but it brings my heart do much joy when I do it! This weekend I was able to photograph and friends baby shower and another friends engagement.....I hide in the garage and took pictures unbeknownst to the soon to be bride! It was great fun, but I can't count it for this months challenge. So for this month I am going to try and take a picture a day and do as many photography "things" as I can! Wish me luck and follow the pictures on Facebook and Instagram (TASHARWT)

Ice cream

I know I haven't been on here in a while and this is a random post but I just wanted to share a quick post about ice cream. 

As I've been pursuing healthiness this year I've come across some great recipes and one of those is for ice cream! Everyone loves ice cream right! So here's the recipe.... And it's not what you would expect. 

It's made from bananas instead so if you are lactose intolerant like me it's great! 

For two helpings take 3-4 bananas and cut them into bite size chunks . Freeze for 1-2 hours then throw them in the blender with a little yogurt or if you like it really creamy some almond milk, add chocolate chips or peanut butter and blend until smooth but still thick... That's it! Enjoy!!!

Month 2: fitness

Well hello there!

I know that its been several weeks since you have heard from me but I'm back! Thank the Lord I am finally feeling better! Because of this I decided to stick with the "fitness" goal of the month. Besides doing fitness I am still trying to eat well and have set a goal to loose five pounds by the end of the month and ten by April 1st.

Time to be honest- since getting married three years ago Ive gained 25 pounds. Some of which I did need to gain because I was unhealthily under weight but I need to loose about ten. I was evaluating why I want to loose weight and honestly I just want to feel good about the way I look. My husband and I agreed that if there's something that we don't like about ourselves (physically, weight wise) instead of saying "I hate this about myself or I wish this was different" that we would choose to work hard to be fit. So my goal may be to loose ten pounds but I really just want to be toned.

 

One way that Ive done this is by keeping track of the calories that I consume. No please don't think that I am obsessed with this, I'm still consuming 1500 calories a day (sometimes more lol). I found this great app called loose it- check it out! Since starting to use it I have become aware of just how much I am consuming. Man is it hard to stick to those 1500 calories when its cold outside and all I want to do is eat cookies and watch t.v. lol.

 

So are you keeping up with your New Years resolutions?

 

Tash

Little steps

Month 1 Week 2

     Month challenge: Eating well

I always start a post hoping that the creativity will just ooze from my pores, usually I just end up posting something that im not super happy with and later on at about one in the morning as im thinking over my post I think of all the super cool things that I want to say, but (at least I think) if I write a new post ill just seem like a doofus. So here it goes.....

This week has been ok with eating well. I, once again have not been feeling well. I think next months focus of "Fitness" will have to be put off to a later month because of some health issues. This week my goals are:

1. Finish all my shifts at work even if it kills me (I didn't do that last week because of being sick).
2. Try and be outside and go for a good walk at least 3 times.
3. Eat well and rest well.
4. Continue my 365 grateful challenge on Instagram. Follow me if you aren't yet! my name is TASHARWT so add me and we can do it together.  
5. Have a good attitude

*These don't seem like much but to me these will be great accomplishments.
If you do think of me please say a prayer for energy and a good attitude.

Thanks for reading and walking this journey with me!

Tash

  

Give me the sugar!

This is the first full week doing the 12 month project. Ill be honest this week has been alot harder than I thought it was going to be.  I've always thought that my "diet" was pretty healthy but after evaluating what ive eaten this past week, and being more conscientious of what I'm actually I realized one thing.... I Really love sugar! I could eat chocolate and ice cream literally everyday. So one of the things that im trying to replace my sugar with is frozen fruit. This week I just bought a big bag of frozen mixed berries and instead of getting a bowl of ice cream in the evening I devour those. 

What tips for healthy eating do you have?

-Tash

A new year , a new day, a new project

Month 1 day 1.

I was so pumped about this day when I posted my last post. But my body had other ideas for today. I woke up with a blistering headache. I made it to work but had to come home early. It's amazing how much I crave bad, easily accessible food when I don't feel 100%. It was so tempting to order a pizza tonight. But I am proud to say that I didn't give in. Instead I had a peanut butter sandwich on oat brand bread, low fat cheese and some Greek yogurt. I also made it a goal this month to not drink soda and up my water intake. Today I've consumed over 100 oz. which is great but I've also had to be in the bathroom a ton ;). 

Hopefully the next post will be some what more exciting. 

To a new year!

Tasha